由由's

    前些日子体检查出了点小毛病，卵巢囊肿，5cm左右，性质未定。大夫给开了点药，先吃着看，过段日子再复诊。如果小了就继续吃药，一直给囊肿吃没了，如果吃药没用就得手术了。有些伤心，竟然能得这样的病，虽然不是很严重，但毕竟是个祸根。

    告诉了老公，可反应平平，也是，毕竟不是什么要死的病，没什么大惊小怪的。活着照样活，忙碌照样忙，生气照样生。

    昨天，天气阴。一早起来老公就情绪不高。出了门，果然闹了别扭，我尽力调整了，可每每到我调整好自己再调整彼此的时候，总是能遭到他泼的冷水，哈，不吵都不行的架势。可我就是不吵，吵起来就一定是我的错了，向来如此。不想吵，却总能遭到挑衅，卑鄙！一直坚持到了晚上，种种不好的念头都被压了下来，不断告诉自己“现在正在气头上，做出来的决定都不冷静，明天一切都会好的”。就这样，一切的怨气和苦水都咽了回去，默默地流着眼泪，想着繁重的工作，想着拮据的生活，想着缠人的病，想着不被人体谅，默默地流泪，默默地对自己说“明天一切都会好的”。。。

    “明天”就这样悄悄来了，可好的局面却没有一起跟来。其实我发现我是一个特没骨气的人，我曾昨天气着想“反正这次我么有做错什么也没跟你吵，是你先说不想理我的，索性我也就不跟你说话了，在你面前做个哑巴好了”，今天过了半天，我就改变主意“想想以前种种甜蜜的时刻，毕竟还是夫妻，何必为这点小事计较呢，还是主动跟他和好吧”，结果就真的没有半点良好的希望——热脸再次遭到了冷屁股！我可真贱！怎么就那么犯贱？！非得跟这种小心眼的人求和，指望他能有什么好的改变？！

    怎么就不能看清这个人的嘴脸，以后不要再寄托任何希望、遐想、做白日梦，当这个人是空气，当自己在这个人面前是空气，别在他面前做贱自己了！！！！你死了他都不会搭理你的！！

 

连续两个晚上都梦到他了，这是背叛吗？

不晓得，应该不是吧，

因为不是那种想温情，或者想占有，或者想付出之类的情感，

满满的，是歉意，是愧疚！

梦里的我想方设法要找到他跟他说抱歉，把当初的事情说清楚，

然而不是电话打不通，就是找人不在，那种遗憾，急切，在我从梦中突然醒来的一刻，将心都抽空了。。。

好久才恢复过来，抑制住梦中的冲动，看看真实的世界，抱抱身边的老公，填满了心啊！！

真实里，他一定比我想的还要幸福，这就够了，幸福着就好，不需要多此一举的道歉。

我也幸福啊！

老公：对不起，这一次没有直接告诉你，如果你看到了，有什么想说的，找我。如果没看到，呵呵，没关系，记得我爱你就一切都好。

 

     Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have withered. Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.
此处冷，彼处更冷。枯叶凋零，君属何人。君面惨淡忧郁，含泪而笑。君热泪盈眶，喃喃自语，难言再见。妾心沉落，泪涌似涛。
Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of ba nd. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was ?amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.
酷夏。仍忆鸡尾酒会。君执妾手，共享二人世界。君坐妾之侧，长发束于脑后，英姿勃发。笑容荡漾。妾讶君面尤类杂志封面。旋转，君执妾手，疯狂舞曲。
Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together. ;
灯酒相辉，芳雅相应，祝辞笑声此起彼伏，芸芸皆劳碌于握手。君站立一旁，美目探妾。妾莹灯下颤颤而立。此必上帝之杰作，使晕眩。虽妾与君相隔甚远,然心相近。
Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn ’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I feel all the same.
往日已去。君云君将于阿尔卑斯山畔待妾，滑雪于雪花飞舞之天空下。妾欲说还休，但嘱祝福。飞机渐逝，妾心将苦。妾深知妾之愚蠹，君已窃妾心，妾当不可漠然于暗中彷徨。妾尝试忘君之失，然无可善终。妾信某日某时，妾将告君妾心永驻。
My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell!
妾于忏悔中挣扎，不时退缩，犹豫。妾愚于处子之婚，然潜纵于君之诺。白雪皑皑，君挽妾身，妾意甚欢，共听圣诞钟声。
The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.
钟声忽止于急雨，乃听撒旦之笑声。含泪微笑，黑暗相伴。妾欲寻君之发擦君之泪而不可。妾伸手欲触，无他，但枯叶一雨滴耳。
Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.
雪花渐融，妾与君天涯各一方。